The story of the mummy pillow

So R sleeps pretty much on my tummy - every. single. night. I have told her multiple times that she can sleep on her pillow. That it gets difficult for me and after sometime I can't roll etc.

She will constantly say - "venam ma, I will sleep on you.. mummy-pillow"
Me - more reasoning
She - "no Amma, vaithla thoongren" no Amma I'll sleep on your tummy.

Yesterday she came up to the bed and announced - "Amma vaithla padukka maten ma, pillow la padukren.." I won't sleep on your tummy ma, I'll sleep on my pillow, in such an matured I-understand-your-plight tone with all those tiny 23 months in her exuding nothing but warmth. She added "enna katti pidi", but u hug me and slept on her pillow and dozed off.

 

I then cried and cried and cried and didn't sleep a wink since.

 

Why is motherhood so devastating - why do I not know what I want? Do I want her to sleep on me or on her pillow. *weeps* then say by 5 am in the morning she woke up and slept on me again. Then I was contented that my little girl was staying little.

 

I sometimes hate things and please add a Monday to it, thank you :( I want to be with her at home right now, I am seeing her videos on my mobile literally waiting for the work-day to get over.....:'( what a mean start to this week :(