Battlefield - Chennai floods

It is beguiling, overwhelming when your friend is taking a vacation snorkelling in white beaches, but your morning showers are itself a big deal, you crave to steal some precious me-time, you wish too look decent enough and not like some tattered rag which the wife cum mum role has turned you into  - then you've got an intelligent champ at home who has learnt to say 'dowwwwn' at the end of ring-a-ring-a roses.... you watch the baby and daddy read 'This is not my baby' book together, its okay you know, I can live another day all tattered tarnished looking for seeing this :)

It is pain stabbing to wade in murky waters, when the intelligentsia and fools alike are in various countries bearing various flags non-saffron-green-and-while where you don't have to constantly crib abt puddles and floods and more puddles. Then you realise half your relatives are in ankle deep waters at their home, half your colleagues are reliant on a hundred different transports and you stardusted, is a 20 min bike ride off to a dry place called home. Starts from work by 3pm and reaches now to write a post on Facebook :p ain't u one lucky bee?

There are days when you want to ask that woman pretending to working from home to shut the fuck up cos you know wfh is cooking, caring for the children cats and dogs and your billability clause doesn't agree to pay your salary for those hours of household chores, albeit you call yourself working. Then you realize that woman never had a mil who would cook your favourite meals especially bajjis to go with the rain <3

Time I've realised my gratitude is running low... Thankful for this wonderful family, job, fishes, fish-food cans and colorful owls even!

I so wish

I so wish -
To see you, but what if those eyes are different?
I so wish -
To hear you, but what if the words are distant?
I so wish -
To hug you, but what if the warmth is gone?
I so wish to take you and be endlessly reborn.

Mummy's tea

*You know there is this ritual about having tea? My tea with my mother is more a ritual to me, a something that I wouldn't miss for anything on this earth and these are few 'tea tales' that I'd like to share with the virtual world*

Day 1
Me - where is mom?
Dad - mom has gone out
Me - cheri naan appo kelambren
Dad - *puzzled look*

Behind the scenes - cribs to my mum, un pombalapilla ni irundha thaan irukkuma etc etc etc.

Me - who makes tea for me? You or mummy?
Dad - *silent*

Day 2 or smth
Me - where is mum?
Bro - mum and dad went out
Me - cheri appo naan kelambren
Bro - hey iru, she has kept tea for you in the flask.
Me - indha tea kudikka than naan vandena??
Bro - *puzzled look*

Keke! Its not mother's day or my mother's birthday but why not tell her 'I love you' today and post this? :)

ps - translation : cheri naan appo kelambren - OK am leaving. indha tea kudikka than naan vandena?? - did I come for the tea or what?

Her diary - its not so new

Its not new, the feeling of emptiness infused with colourful memories that once were; its not new - that rush of happiness on seeing your letters, with half-eaten words, which can slimly pass for a telegram, its not new - the pangs of jealousy which gurgles when anyone gets to be happy with you. It's not new, that feeling of love and hatred and love back again...

Its not new, to yearn if you'd love me too..

Superwoman am i

Today I am super woman..

To have attended to your tears a million times Godspeed. To have fought aches - back, neck to heart; and continued to teach you "Twinkle Twinkle" with action so that I could rejoice every time you showed the Twinkling stars with your teeny tiny 9 month old fingers. When I quit papaya and pineapple like a weed-smoker with nervous palsy so that you could fill the room as a 6 month foetus. To have craved for food - with ugly calories but denied so that you could be a little superwoman. To have counted and written and rewritten all the words that you could comprehend or talk. To look at awe when you finish my "one, two.." with a three. To see you in the evenings saying 'Amma' in a singsong fashion.

Do heroes mean wearing capes, saving pretty lasses with prettier eye-lashes? I haven't done any of that but I feel like a super woman today my child.

3-4ths of an year

Three months have flown by since he's grown 6 mths. Yes, she's grown three fourths of a year from half-year! At 6 months those incessant oon-oon asking for more food as she just ventured solids, to her jiggle when grandpa says 'ungungaa ungungaa', to the love of lights when she forgets to pose for the camera at malls, and that excitement she shows while calling little children at malls, shops and clinics to play - she has grown a lot - a lot bigger, a lot less chubbier much to mummy's dismay and a whole lot curious - showcasing her growing intelligence!

At 7th it was a separation anxiety which the girl couldn't speak about as mum wasn't around to warm the little ones world. We grew from paruppu sadam, soups, apples and bananas to find out papaya was her most favourite! From sitting to crawling at a faster pace!

That lovely smile she gave me while singing our bath-song anticipating that sprinkle of water on her little feet just made my mornings - work days to be precise. I would eagerly await for evenings when I can rejoin my child, dig into her cheesecake cheeks and see that glint of mischief yet again in her eyes!

At 8th, the girl was okay with mom being gone. Though rushed into my arms every evening sparkling like a 100 shot brimming with happiness showing a one toothed smile (yes we sprouted a tooth!) Mum managed work, reading, rhymes, cooking and peekaboos in our play-tunnel!

At 9th we shook hands with a 'hi', said bye waving petite hands and hi and a 'thee' after one two! And how we jumped into anyone's arms that seemed to be going out of the house (or in my language going bye). We stood with and without support. How we still cried lungs out while dressing into tees, changing dipes or when charger remote and mobiles were taken off those little electricians hand! How revoltingly we had medicines that which we loved and asked more at 6 months. How we had favourite toys - white teddy, bheem monkey, froggie. How we transitioned from teething toys to bead balls. How we stacked rings in a ring stack however improper it may be! How we expressed our joy at A/c rooms and plush cars?

My my my, life is just a pearl string of wonderful memories. I just love every pearl that shone my daughters' first year..

It's surprising and disheartening all the same to know she's growing all up and too soon for me to catch up breaths with. This beautiful phase shall be gone too.. And she'll continue to surprise us with much newer wisdom she'd gained. Oh, the children and how they amuse us :) I would ask nothing more but the abundance of time to soak myself in her milestones and growing footpaths!

Friday, the thirteenth

There was a Friday, the thirteenth - it was scary, the first time we fought, that battle of words, when oblivion was lost and hurtfulness looped like a CD on repeat mode.

Today is a thirteenth of Friday too - silence has emptied the words out using a numb tongue. Intrusive silence, incoherent thoughts that broke that loud and hammering silence, and a feeble hollow heart - no hurtfulness to wipe off, a half fought leeward battle, nothing left to fight for..

Which seems more scarier?

Thought for the day - Diwali

I thought of you as I made the sweets, I thought of you as sweetness hit the roof of my mouth, I thought of you when I lasciviously yearned for more - I kept thinking of you into the night my dear weighing-machine! :p

You truly weigh me down.